Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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