Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
