everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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