we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
