wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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