I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
