Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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