So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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