Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
