I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
