The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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