It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
