You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
