Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
