How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
