I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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