I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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