Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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