Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
