No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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