I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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