He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
