just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
