well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
