On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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