Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
