i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
