Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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