Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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