Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
