We won't sleep together?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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