Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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