Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just invented taco cereal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
