we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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