she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
