Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize