i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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