I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need moral support for this bender
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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