can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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