PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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