the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
