he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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