i think my tv is drunk
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
