I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
