So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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