I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
