your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
