so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.