Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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