Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.