I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy