Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday