i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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