Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Even my vagina gasped.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
