You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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