did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
