omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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