If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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