Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
