I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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