so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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