i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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