It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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