i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
