walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
