Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
